Citation

Allen KR. Fam. Relat. 2007; 56(2): 175-183.

Copyright

(Copyright © 2007, National Council on Family Relations (USA), Publisher John Wiley and Sons)

DOI

10.1111/j.1741-3729.2007.00450.x

PMID

unavailable

Abstract

The theory of ambiguous loss is applied to structural ambiguity and personal transcendence in the parent-child relationship following a same-gender relational ending. Working recursively through the six guidelines of ambiguous loss (finding meaning, tempering mastery, reconstructing identity, normalizing ambivalence, revising attachment, and discovering hope), I use reflexive personal narrative to describe the impact of a child’s psychological presence but physical absence on a nonbiological parent. Three themes are identified: (a) naming the problem—the loss of our family unit, (b) the paradox of presence and absence—fractured parent-child ties, and (c) recursive discovery of meaning and hope. Implications for practice include the following: (a) applying ambiguous loss to nonlegal relational loss, (b) public policy—the right to same-gender divorce, and (c) telling our stories as transformative practice.